Great On the Outside

We didn’t know we were missing a thing. Married for eighteen years, two good kids, a house we loved, a dog, fun vacations, and each of us was able to give ourselves to others through the vibrant ministries and work that we each had. What could possibly be missing?

A lot, actually. When others looked from the outside at our lives and marriage, there wasn’t a missing piece. Even when we looked from the outside into our marriage, we thought the same thing.

Weren’t the irritating comments we passed between ourselves and the internal frustrations we had with each other certainly a common experience in a marriage of two people? Nothing could actually be ‘wrong’ could it? What else would you expect from two people who knew they were sinners? That’s just how it goes. We silently congratulated ourselves that we must have it together because at least divorce wasn’t an option. Certainly, it was a thought but not an option.

But the comments continued, and the frustrations pushed hard from the inside out. It led to rude and dismissive behavior towards the other. Encouragement, meaning, and even fun were found more easily outside our home and marriage.

I had no time to engage with my husband, Mike, beyond anything on the surface. This was especially true as my work in caring for people at the most significant point of crisis in their lives could easily outrank connecting with him time and time again.

Meanwhile, Mike found great affirmation every Sunday morning as he walked the halls of the large church where he served and received one accolade after another as he greeted people.

We were beyond bored and frustrated with each other. Even so, we were able to settle into patterns that made it at least somewhat survivable. We were truly a mess.

What Changed Everything

We were married on a Sunday afternoon in the chapel at the University of Virginia. There was a lot going on around us beyond what was seen that day. In that moment, God saw us, loved us, and accepted us where we were. But by His grace, He was not about to leave us at the altar to figure it all out.

Twenty years ago, God moved and guided us to attend a conference at the Glen Eyrie Conference Center in Colorado Springs, CO. The speaker, Larry Crabb, was someone we had heard before and whose many books we’d read. It seemed like a good opportunity to get away and find some new tools for each of our ministries (once again, ministry before marriage).

However, quietly I hoped that we’d find something new for our marriage. To be honest, I could not verbalize what that might possibly have been. We had no clue that during that time away, but God intended to bring us to a moment together that we still refer to as the “before” and “after” in our marriage.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

So what happened?

There is so much that can be said about that brief time. Simply put, God quietly and even gently grabbed a son and a daughter that He loved, rescued them from themselves, and put them on a new and different path for their marriage and their life together. It may have been a new and even life-changing path for us, but it was actually one that God had prepared for us all along.

A very important part of the story is that God made His move with us not when we were simply alone and by ourselves but while we were in the middle of a caring and very fun community. People who didn’t even know us at the time but who watched closely and cheered for us as He had His way with us.

You’re Invited

Are you just a bit curious as to what more God may have in mind for you and your spouse? Would you like to dare to explore what God has prepared for you both?

Whether you have been married for just a few years or longer than you thought possible, God’s presence and purpose in your marriage remain constant. Our God is always ready to take all that has happened and will happen in our marriages for us to become more together than we are now—for our good and His glory.

You are invited to join us on Friday, February 9 through Saturday, February 10, at the Hyatt Centric, Memphis, as speakers Brent Stenberg and Leila Todd guide us to take a look at those things God has in mind for us.

Our time together will include talks, table discussions, as well as time for you and your spouse to spend with each other. The focus will be practical, informative, non-threatening, and fun. It will include time for worship and prayer as a group and time to relax and enjoy being away from your day-to-day responsibilities.

Does that sound like a lot to take place during a single 24-hour period? Yes, it does. But let’s agree that God is free of time constraints when He is having His way with us. Being present to what He may do in you and for you is all He asks.

For details and registration: CLICK HERE