Filling My Tanks
As Executive Pastor Bro. Chris Carter returns from a 90-day sabbatical, he shares how the Lord spoke to him during his time away. He shares how God restored four tanks, spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental, in his life and how you can do the same.
Entering a Life of Sabbath
“Fillerup!” was an expression that rolled off my teenage tongue scads of times when I worked the summers at my parents’ country grocery store and gas station.
These were the good ole days of full service. I would eagerly approach every car prepared to pump gas, check oil, and clean the windshield. This is where I began my lifelong passion of trying to fill up everyone else’s tanks. Many of our customers would roll their windows down (can you imagine having to work that hard now??) and would say, “Fillerup!” before I could even ask what they wanted. Others were not so well off in our rural town and could put only a few dollars at a time in their tank. This is where I learned that no one could go very far without a full tank.
And yet, we try! Many of us live our days nearly empty most of the time. We push and push, ignoring our limits. As I age, prayerfully growing sweeter by the day, I am gratefully more aware of my limits, which I consider a healthy gift.
In his book The Overload Syndrome: Learning to Live Within Your Limits, Dr. Richard A. Swenson shares some insightful words about acknowledging our limits.
“The Bible never says that we are unlimited. It says that God is unlimited. There is a difference. Limits were God’s intention from the beginning. They were His way of preempting any ambiguity about who is God and who is not. He is the Creator—the One without limits. We are the created—the ones with limit. The fact is we often get into all kinds of trouble by inflating our role in the drama of life. Perhaps this is one of the main reasons why God created limits. He knew that without limits, we would overreach, swell with pride, and become independent. We would get priorities all messed up, and life balance would be neglected. He would have been right” (The Overload Syndrome: Learning to Live within Your Limits 27).
It takes many of us a lifetime to learn to love our limits rather than loathe them. We think we have so much to do that we don’t have time to stop and fuel up. Deadlines, people-pleasing, projects, responsibilities, schedules, and the habit of hurrying drive us to depletion and exhaustion.
Several years ago, the realization became a revelation to me that I was living an overcrowded life with no margins, not enough boundaries, and almost zero reserves. I was working too hard trying to fill up everyone else’s tanks to the neglect of my own. I realized that this wasn’t a God-honoring way to live. I asked the Lord for forgiveness and cried prayers of desperation that I hope you will use as your own if you realize you’re overly busy, overburdened, or near a breakdown.
“Lord, help me learn to live again!”
“Teach me how to live at the pace of grace!”
“Lord, fill my tanks!”
I began to realize that God wasn’t just going to zap in answer to my prayers but that He wanted to wrap me in His love and restore my soul. I would have to take the time for Him to do that. I also realized that He wanted me to do some things differently.
“As the author of limits, God put them within us for our protection. We violate them at our peril. God is under no moral obligation to bail us out of our pain if we attempt to do more than He asks” (Swenson 28).
I am so grateful that Pastor Paul and the Executive Team were part of God’s answer to these prayers and afforded me the gift of a 90-day sabbatical. I’m also grateful for our staff, many of whom took up the slack I left. During this sabbatical, I offered my heart and body to God to retune and reset!
Four Tanks to Refill
In Pastor Robert Morris’ book, Take the Day Off: Receiving God’s Gift of Rest, he explains that all of us, no matter what we do or what field we’re in, have four areas of our lives that become depleted if we don’t take time to rejuvenate and refuel ourselves.
We all have spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental tanks or reservoirs that must be regularly refueled to ensure we’re healthy and overflowing for others (Take the Day Off: Receiving God’s Gift of Rest, 54).
My goal during the sabbatical was to present each tank to the Lord for refilling.
1) Spiritual
During my sabbatical, I lived in Genesis, reading and praying through the stories of new beginnings. I thought of this sabbatical season as a new beginning, a new start, a holy reset. I didn’t read fast, but slowly. I tried to practice the advice of Thomas Merton, who once said it was his goal “to read less more slowly.” I tried not to sponge off in many verses but soak in a few.
I practiced the gift of a slow start every morning. Initially, I had to do this because I was so tired that I could hardly move. Later, I did it because I looked so forward to simply sitting in the presence of the Lord, just being. What a joy it was to spend more time sipping than zipping! I loved those mornings when I sat so long that I had to rewarm my cup of coffee several times.
Together, Tonya and I went to seven different churches to worship. We regularly attended one of them because our hearts were so touched. I could feel the fuel of the Spirit filling me.
2) Physical
I went to my primary care doctor for a complete exam. I also went to an orthopedic doctor, a dear friend from Christ Church, to help me with some joint issues I’ve had. Both doctors ministered to me in such a powerful way.
Additionally, I took a daily nap that varied in length depending on how I felt when I woke up. At the beginning of the sabbatical, I remember sleeping almost an entire afternoon. Later, the naps were much shorter but just as powerful.
For the first two months, I also took slow walks and bike rides before I had the strength to resume rigorous exercise at the gym. I’m now on a strength training routine that includes a minimum of 30 minutes of daily cardio exercise. Tonya’s encouragement and nurture during this time have been a means of grace to help get me going again.
Lastly, I enjoyed working in the yard and flowerbeds, preparing for summer.
3) Emotional & Mental
I read Stephen Quayle’s book Tears: An Ocean of Emotion. He shared this interesting fact about the miracle of the tear:
“Tears contain a variety of proteins and materials—including some that contain our individually unique DNA. This latter component means that everyone’s tears are as distinctive to them as are their fingerprints. In theory, if someone found a single tear you’d shed, they could match that tear to your DNA” (Quayle 17).
I shed some healing tears during these three months as I reflected on God’s faithfulness during the first 58 years of my life. I also worked on a writing project focusing on gratitude. I look forward to sharing it with you soon.
Extra time with Tonya, my earthly dearest, was such a gracious gift. She has always been a partner near and dear, but these three months have reminded me on an even deeper level of the gift of her intimacy and closeness. We laughed a lot together and enjoyed our parents and our three sons. This last week was the highlight as we celebrated Brady’s college graduation. We are so proud of all his accomplishments but even more thankful for who he is as a person.
Back to Work
I’m so glad to be back with our wonderful staff and congregation. If I walk slower, take a few more days off, and even say “no” a few more times than usual, it’s because I’m still trying to learn to live.
As long as the Lord allows me to live and serve among you, I pray He will help me to stay full and to overflow for others.
Lord, “Fillerup!”
