Does God Love Me: Escaping Fears of Unworthiness
Does God love me? Dive into the depths of faith as we unravel the mystery of God's love amidst doubt, skepticism, and feelings of unworthiness. Discover the transformative power of God's unconditional love and find hope in the midst of life's trials.
Does God Love Me?
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.” Psalm 22:1-2
Does God actually love me? Regardless of where you stand in relation to the Christian faith, when we examine the idea that God loves us, it’s perhaps the most incomprehensible thing about Christianity.
Whether our skepticism is due to feelings of unworthiness rooted in guilt or doubt in God’s capacity to care for each of us, there’s an underlying relatability in this question. Surely, if there’s that much skepticism, there must be some credence in questioning God’s affection, or lack thereof, right?
We can mentally know that Scripture repeatedly teaches that God loves us, but what about when we’re in the throes of turmoil and rejection? What about those mundane days when God feels distant regardless of our efforts? By and large, we’re emotion-based beings, and despite our’ attempts, sometimes seemingly nothing can be done to convince us that God is interested in us.
There are verses like John 3:16 that tell us God loves the entire world, but the world’s a big place, and what about me? If you search the internet for an answer to this question, most resources are quick to point to how we’re loved so much that Jesus died to save us. While true, that answer can feel broad and an oversight to the self-centric root of our query.
So, to get to the root of this issue, let’s start with a basic: What is God’s love?
What is God’s Love?
“Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love.” 1 John 4:8
It’s important to start by stating, and hopefully encouraging you, that God’s love is, in the most simplistic terms, incomprehensible. The magnitude and conclusiveness of His divinity are too great for our human brains to comprehend. While that might add fuel to your doubt flames, let’s explore why this is a good thing.
Jeremiah 17:9 describes man’s natural condition as deceitful and desperately wicked. However, John 1:12 contrasts that and reminds us that when we receive God, we become His children. Through this acceptance, we are loved despite our successes or failures because we are His creation. God loves us because we are made in His image.
“Being God’s children means we get unlimited, constant access to God’s presence, love, and authority. And the great news? No one can separate us from God.” Craig Groeschel, author, and pastor.
Why can’t we be separated from God’s love? Scripture shares several examples of the characteristics of God’s love for us.
Agape Love: In Christian theology, the Greek term “agape” is often used to describe God’s love. Agape love is selfless and sacrificial, seeking the well-being of others without expecting anything in return. It is the highest form of love and exemplifies God’s nature.
Eternal Love: God’s love is eternal and unchanging. It existed before the creation of the world and will continue through eternity. Jeremiah 31:3 expresses: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness in you.”
Transformative Love: God’s love has the power to transform individuals and bring spiritual growth. It empowers believers to overcome sin and become more Christlike. 2 Corinthians 5:17 highlights this transformation: “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
Compassionate Love: God’s love is compassionate and merciful. He cares deeply for the suffering and brokenhearted. Psalm 103:13-14 describes this aspect of God’s love: “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
Unconditional Love: God’s love is unconditional, meaning it’s not dependent on human merit or deserving. It extends to all people, regardless of their actions, worthiness, or past mistakes. This concept is rooted in passages like Romans 5:8, which states, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Author and pastor John Piper defined God’s love as: “His doing whatever needs to be done, at whatever cost, so that we will see and be satisfied with the glory of God in Jesus Christ.”
So, if God’s love is abundant, merciful, and unfathomable, why can we feel disconnected from accepting it?
What Separates Us From Accepting God’s Love?
“None is righteous, no, not one, no one understands; no one seeks for God.” Romans 3:10-11
When struggling with the worthiness of God’s love, the concepts we’ve outlined can feel, bluntly, insufficient. Let me explain. Unworthiness causes us to feel burdensome. It instills a false belief that we are a duty and that our livelihood is little more than an unfortunate obligation to ourselves and others, much less a Holy God.
Our society has propagated the belief that worthiness is based on our abilities, contributions, and the legacy we manufacture. Unworthiness can be compounded when we’re told or feel that we’re not good/smart/beautiful/etc. But, despite our best efforts to achieve, accomplish, and appear, Scripture repeatedly tells us we can’t earn God’s love (Ephesians 2:8-9).
But that’s counterintuitive to what we’ve been taught, right?
So, let’s take a step back and ask ourselves, why do you want to be loved by God? Is it because you want something? A new job? A better marriage? Are we equating God’s good gifts as the manifestation of His love?
The reality is that we’re searching for validation in God. Tim Keller wrote in Counterfeit Gods that our desire for love, validation, and acceptance all stem from being made in His image (paraphrased). The very desire we have to be loved by God is, in and of itself, a reflection of His character.
However, our culture has distorted that love into a materialistic meander. When we see fellow churchgoers who have everything we dream of, it’s easy to wonder what they did to earn God’s love. Or if we’re experiencing grief and desperation, yet God seems distant, we question why His love is absent. Suddenly, our imperfections and unworthiness bubble up and form a disconnect with our Creator.
Ironically, our search for God’s validation gives the Enemy one of two footholds.
Guilt
When we’re deep in God’s conviction, it’s easy to mistake our remorse to a degree that moves us into self-flagellation. It becomes unbearable even to imagine that a divine being could tolerate someone who [insert sin]. We see this manifested through:
Shame: Shame goes beyond guilt and often involves a sense of self-disgust or self-loathing. You may feel that your very identity is tainted and that you are inherently flawed, making you unworthy of God’s love.
Fear of Rejection/Judgement: Feeling unworthy can lead to a fear of rejection by God. You might hesitate to approach God in prayer or avoid church out of fear that you will be rejected or condemned.
Inadequacy: You may believe that you fall short of God’s expectations and standards, feeling inadequate compared to what you think God requires of you.
Past Trauma or Abuse: Individuals who have experienced trauma or abuse may carry feelings of shame, even if they were not responsible for the traumatic events. This shame can make it difficult to trust and connect with God, as they may see themselves as damaged or unworthy.
Pride
Pride is our human nature talking. It’s easy to slip down the path of attributing our worthiness as reasons why God loves us (a.k.a. works righteousness). “I read the Bible, serve the poor, go to Sunday school AND church, and I don’t lie, cheat or steal, etc.” Those are all wonderful virtues, but none are why Jesus loves you. We see this manifested through:
Legalism: Legalism is a belief that one’s worthiness is based on adherence to a set of rules or religious laws. This prideful mindset elevates human effort and performance above God’s grace, leading to feelings of condemnation and unworthiness when one inevitably falls short.
Perfectionism: Some individuals set impossibly high standards for themselves in their faith and believe that any deviation from perfection makes them unworthy of God’s love.
Comparisons: You may compare yourself to other Christians or believers you perceive as more righteous or pious. This comparison can lead to feelings of unworthiness when you believe you don’t measure up to their level of devotion or spirituality.
Unrealistic Expectations: Those burdened by unrealistic expectations may feel unworthy of God’s love because they believe they must achieve a certain level of spiritual growth or maturity to deserve His grace. This prideful mindset fails to recognize that God’s love is unconditional and not contingent on human achievement or performance.
Our societal norms have ultimately disrupted our perception of God’s love and exacerbated our guilt or pride. However, the glorious part of this sad reality is that, despite our human fallenness, these hardships will often be the defining moments of our lives. They are the proving grounds for our faith and opportunities for God to use our lives to glorify Him better.
Look at what happened to Lazarus (John 11:1-44). He fell deathly ill, and his family pleaded with Jesus, someone they considered a personal friend, to save him. However, Jesus delayed (several days) and Lazarus died. Imagine the family’s heartbreak; They had to question if Jesus loved them, but He saw the bigger picture.
Jesus allowed Lazarus to die so that God’s mighty work would be on display through the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead. However, in the even bigger picture, that miracle was the event that set in motion Christ’s crucifixion (the penultimate event of our salvation)!
There is always a bigger picture at work. Don’t limit God’s love by narrowing the scope of how we allow Him to transform our life.
How Do I Overcome Unworthiness?
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Romans 8:35, 37
Before we can accept God’s love, we must separate ourselves from society’s definition of love, which is often characterized as adoration, affection, and delight. While there are elements of those virtues in God’s love for us, they hardly do justice to the depths of agape.
Society’s comprehension of love personifies these descriptors through action. When applied to our Creator, it looks like we bring requests, and He delivers. Thus, manufacturing little more than a finite human relationship diminishes our communion with God.
To remove the shackles of unworthiness, we must ask ourselves: What defines me? If Scripture is accurate in stating that we’re all sinners, then we must assess whether we’re allowing our sin to become our identity.
When we’re honest in self-reflection, it’s impossible to look in the mirror and like what we see. All of our worst features stand out because who knows us better than ourselves? It’s too easy to focus on the painful sins that we struggle with.
If you’ve had an adulterous relationship, does the scarlet letter determine who you are? If you’ve stolen something in the past, is being a thief the entirety of your identity moving forward? What if you struggle with envy or gluttony? Does that define your personhood?
If we allow our greatest struggles to define us, then what hope do we have? When you apply your worst sins as your identity, then, of course, you’re unworthy of God’s love. But fortunately for us, that’s not how it works (Colossians 1:15-17).
Our sins can’t define us as believers because we have a new identity in Christ. 1 John 4:19 tells us that He loved us first, which means everything we’re searching for is defined by that dynamic. If our hearts condemn us, we must remember that He’s greater than our hearts (1 John 3:20).
Are you allowing your heart to condemn you? Have you reminded yourself that you are a child of God? Despite how we try to assess ourselves in the mirror amid all our sins, that’s not who we are in God’s eyes.
Don’t believe me? Look at Jesus’ own words in John 8.
While Jesus was at the Temple, the Pharisees brought in a woman who’d been caught in the act of adultery. When they asked Jesus how to sentence her, He shocked everyone.
JESUS: “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7
It’s obvious to everyone that she made a mistake, and Jesus doesn’t deny the woman’s sin. However, instead of punishing her, He shows her mercy.
JESUS: “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” John 8:11
Jesus stooped down in that woman’s life to meet and identify with her in what was likely her lowest point. We don’t know how she lived going forward, but we see Jesus offering her a new start, which is the same invitation we’re given. Where we may think our story is irredeemable, God loves us regardless.
Got Questions uses James 4:7-10 as an outline for moving away from our sin identity and overcoming our unworthiness.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.”
Let’s break down the actions we’re called to:
Submit to God (Surrender)
Resist Satan (Acknowledge the source of your unworthiness)
Draw near to God (Spiritual Disciplines, such as Bible reading, prayer, fasting, Sabbath, etc.)
Cleanse our lives of evil actions (Repent)
Let Jesus purify our hearts (Forgiveness and sanctification)
Humble ourselves before God (Gratitude)
Why Jesus is Still the Answer
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10
In the introduction, I mentioned that most responses to this question focus on verses such as John 3:16 that point out Jesus is the answer to our unworthiness. Since they’re not wrong, and it’s truthfully paramount to the answer, let’s explore why.
Scripture tells us that God keeps a record of sin (Psalm 130:3), so, considering that, on what leg do any of us have to stand? We all sin. We’ve all lost our temper with a cashier. We’ve all given impure thoughts room to germinate. We’ve all lied about something (even if our intentions were good). When we honestly consider our ledger, we’re all in serious trouble.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2
God, in His agape, eternal, transformative, compassionate, and unconditional love, gave us a way to wipe the ledger clean, to void sin’s separation from our Creator.
Through Christ’s sacrifice, we’re made anew. As our Advocate, Jesus rectified our standing with God. The Court of Public Opinion may never wash away the stains of our scarlet letters, but when we live with a heavenly mentality, our focus isn’t on our past sins but on our Father's saving grace.
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Jesus was the only person to walk the earth, live a sinless life, and deserve a spot in heaven. However, He took the curse of sin on Himself and became our grace.
In his book, In the Lord I Take Refuge, Dane Ortlund says, “God judged His own righteous Son in place of us unrighteous rebels, so that any who turns to take refuge in Him gets the future that Jesus deserves (Psalm 75).”
This is counterintuitive to society’s love. We’ve done nothing but make mistakes, create chaos, hurt others, and ruin God’s perfection. Yet, through confession in His Son’s name, we can be reconciled with a God who chooses to love us.
Ultimately, remember that your feelings don’t define the reality of God’s love. His love is constant, unchanging, and ever-present, even when it may not be felt. Keep seeking Him, meditating on His Word, and trusting in His promises, and over time, you will find a deeper and more profound communion with Him.
You are worthy of His love.
TL;DR
In a world filled with doubt and skepticism, understanding God's love can be challenging.
However, through exploring the depths of Scripture, we uncover the incomprehensible nature of God's affection.
Despite feelings of unworthiness, God's love remains constant, transformative, and unconditional.
Through Christ's sacrifice, we find redemption and reconciliation with a God who loves us deeply, regardless of our shortcomings.
Keep seeking Him, trusting in His promises, and you'll discover the profound reality of His everlasting love.
Related Reading
How to Meet With Jesus by William Merriman
From Isolation to Restoration by Rev. Paul Lawler
Far From God by Bro. Chris Carter