How to Forgive Those Who've Hurt You
We are not designed to hold onto the bitterness and resentment that comes with past hurts. Although it sounds counter-intuitive, we are called to bless those who hurt us as Christians. Read how God will empower you to find forgiveness.
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”
Have you ever been in a situation that was so toxic or ruinous that it felt parasitic? Perhaps a moment of great force pushed against you felt like the very life was being sucked right out of you. Maybe in that situation or circumstance, the pressure was too great, and you, in turn, ended up infecting other people purely by the perspective of that which affects us.
At the time of writing this passage, David was under tremendous pressure. He was on the run from his son, Absalom, who sought not only David's throne but his life. Can you imagine that level of family dysfunction? Try to imagine the pain that David is navigating in that hour.
Yet he says, "You anoint my head with oil, and my cup overflows." This is a picture of a flourishing life, even under the oppression of outside forces.
For believers, I want to remind you on the front end that, as Christians, we will have a different lens to look through on today's topic: How can an enemy be a gift?
The Gift of a Red Hot Enemy
1) For the Believer, Enemies Can Serve to Develop You
“You have enemies? Congratulations, you stand for something.”
Jesus put it a different way. "Beware when all people speak well of you." The point Jesus made is that you should be salty enough to stand out.
For a believer, when we have a red hot enemy as David has in the Psalms, they can either serve to develop or destroy you. For example: When David was younger, he witnessed Goliath mocking his people, yet David stood before him victorious. Did God raise David to deal with Goliath, or did God allow Goliath to develop David? I would submit it's the latter.
As we age, we learn a tough lesson: Life is not fair.
Throughout Scripture, we are reminded of this message. But what Scripture does is illustrate how we are to respond when life isn't fair. So we have two options: React or respond.
“Life comprises 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we respond to it.”
We live in a fallen world with brokenness surrounding us. As you navigate life, you will encounter times where you get hurt and experience great disappointment. But God has prepared for us a preferred future by teaching us how to respond to those moments in God-honoring ways rather than entitlement and self-centeredness.
When we read Scripture or begin understanding our inner-divine appointment, we start to see how God is developing us. When an unhealthy individual or situation is put in our life, we have to ask ourselves: Are we going to continue to honor God?
2) For the Believer, a Counter-Intuitive Table Has Been Prepared for You
David begins our passage by writing that God has prepared a table for him in the presence of his enemies. He is reiterating the shepherd allegory that's been used throughout the chapter.
Shepherds will lead sheep to plateaus for nourishment and food. They would sometimes be referred to as a table. This is a spiritual allegory of nourishment. So what does this table look like for us? Well, it's a counter-intuitive table.
Assume that I invite you to my home for dinner, and the food is laid out when you arrive. It's raw broccoli, kale, beets, and unsalted pumpkin seeds. While this may not be the food that ramps up your taste buds, we recognize that this is a spread of healthy foods. That's a picture of a counter-intuitive table.
As believers, Jesus, the Great Shepherd, prepared our counter-intuitive table. In Matthew 5, He shared the instructions:
Bless your enemies.
Do good to your enemies.
Pray for your enemies.
Love your enemies.
Forgive your enemies.
Jesus finishes these instructions in Matthew 5 by saying, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." If you're wondering how anyone can do any of that? Well, you're right; no one is perfect like Jesus. It's going to be hard.
However, what we see is the Greek word used there is "be complete." So, because you are not designed for bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, and all those toxins, we cease flourishing when we're in those zones.
This applies to all situations. Whatever it is that hurts you, whether it's a boss that marginalizes your spouse, someone who belittles a friend, someone who you thought was a friend who slanders you behind your back, or a person in the church who hurt you.
If someone has abused you, forgiving them doesn't necessarily mean you need to be reconciled with them. Boundaries are sometimes necessary for situations, and I say that because of the complexities of the brokenness of our culture and representation in our lives.
But brothers and sisters, you need to get free.
Jesus desires you to forgive the person who [fill in the blank] of your life. But in these circumstances, we are left to hurt, bitterness, resentment, and pain. So please, do not be trapped in the dark dungeon of unforgiveness because it is the only sin that eats its container.
How Do I Get Unstuck?
When you have things, like the aforementioned, in your heart towards someone else you can feel the emotions rise in your heart and spirit. You're not going to be able to feel your way toward forgiveness. Wounds, emotions, and hurt will overwhelm your pursuit of that.
It is easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting. You may not feel like forgiving them, but you begin to act on what you know is true. It's the beginning to move in faith towards forgiving the person who hurt you. Likewise, loving our enemies will require moving in faith and an honest and humble self-appraisal of our life.
What Solzhenitsyn is driving at is that the same evil, and place in the human heart that made someone else susceptible to crossing boundaries, is dwelling in all of us.
3) For the Believer, You're Not Just Wrestling Flesh & Blood
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
In some ways, we are all products of the Enlightenment. Where deductive thinkers were sequential thinkers, we're rational thinkers now and don't consider what goes beyond the five senses. This is metaphysical reality, and the Bible discusses it a lot (although not using that term). So you're not just dealing with flesh and blood.
Have you ever been in a conversation where someone says something offensive? Perhaps it was an offhand comment that got stuck with you. At the time, it felt minor, but the more you drifted from that conversation, the larger space it dwelt in your spirit. The more you thought about it, the more it began to churn. You've allowed the striking of a frequency in your soul, mind, will, emotions and spirit.
Guess who's the frequency you're on? It's not God's. You're at the frequency with the enemy; the Devil.
Finding The Right Frequency
How do you win when you're on the wrong frequency? When you begin to bless, love, and pray for your enemy. When you move into the frequency of expressing forgiveness, the gaps began to close and were no longer supercharged by the enemy. Healing has room to begin.
“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of dwarf stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that.”
The truth does set us free, and that truth is a person with a name, Jesus.
Proverbs 25:21 says, "If the enemy is hungry, if your enemy is hungry, give him foodie. If he's thirsty, give him water to drink." Again, this is the counter-intuitive table that we can only engage in by the grace of God
Remember, if you're a Christian, you have a different lens to view these realities with God's power available to you. Grace is the power of God that moves you beyond your ability into his ability. God is not going to empower you to do your will. He shows up. You won't be empowered if you hold onto resentment and bitterness. That's a very dark place to be, but if you wave the white flag, He will empower you.
TL;DR
The Gift of a Red Hot Enemy
For the Believer, Enemies Can Serve to Develop You
But God has prepared for us a preferred future by teaching us how to respond to those moments in God-honoring ways rather than entitlement and self-centeredness.
For the Believer, a Counter-Intuitive Table Has Been Prepared for You
So, because you are not designed for bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, and all those toxins, we cease flourishing when we're in those zones.
For the Believer, You're Not Just Wrestling Flesh & Blood
When you move into the frequency of expressing forgiveness, the gaps began to close and were no longer supercharged by the enemy.
You won't be empowered if you hold onto resentment and bitterness. That's a very dark place to be, but if you wave the white flag, He will empower you.
Related Reading
Loving Well Those We Disagree With by Rev. Jacky Gatliff
Changing For the Better by Bro. Chris Carter
Give it To God by Bro. Chris Carter
About Christ Church Memphis
Christ Church Memphis is church in East Memphis, Tennessee. For more than 65 years, Christ Church has served the Memphis community. Every weekend, there are multiple worship opportunities including traditional, contemporary and blended services
