What is Prayer?
How does prayer work, and what can we pray for? What if God doesn’t answer my prayer? We share 5 steps to starting your prayer life today.
Where Do We Start With Prayer?
The world began with words. First, there was nothing, and then there was something! Light, land, sea, stars, planets, galaxies, humanity—all given life and being through the power of a word.
When God speaks, the world comes to life. As Justin Earley says in The Common Rule, “Words bring order to chaos and form to the formless. But the power of words doesn’t stop with God; their power passes to His image bearers—to us.”
God, through the eternal Word, Jesus, created all things, but because God is a triune God of Love, who desires to share His blessed life in all of its perfection with his handiwork, God passes this creative power to Adam.
Some think Adam’s first job was farming, but before he had his hands in the dirt, he had his head in the sky. He was a poet! God tasked Adam with naming all of the creatures that God had made. In Earley’s words, “God invited Adam to work with Him in speaking order into the world by the power of words.”
As children of Adam, and with Christ, the eternal Logos, in us, we have the incredible privilege and the eternal power to bring order, beauty, and goodness into existence through our words.
However, prayer is less cosmic and more mundane for many of us. It is hard to know where to start. It is hard to know where to end. It is hard to remember even to pray! And when we do pray, it’s hard to believe that our words do anything.
But take heart, as a Trappist monk (aka professional prayer!) Thomas Merton said, “We do not want to be beginners, but let us be convinced that we will never be anything but beginners all our life!”
We are all beginners when it comes to prayer. We tend to fall into the trap of thinking our prayers have to sound like they emanate from the pulpit, but remember our Lord’s words:
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray to stand in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:5-8
There is no pressure. There are no right words. You don’t have to fear saying something wrong or not saying enough. Your heavenly Father knows what you need already, and in fact, the Holy Spirit “helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” So let’s all begin again!
What is Prayer?
The heart of prayer is about one thing: communion with the God of the universe.
As Maxie Dunnam once wrote, “[t]he goal of prayer is a life of friendship and fellowship with God, cooperating with the Spirit, living God’s will in the world.”
1) Prayer is like a relationship.
For any relationship to flourish, there must be a mutual exchange of words and actions, or there is no relationship. For example, If I say I have a personal relationship with my wife but only talk to her for an hour on Sunday and then a few minutes before each meal, that would be a problem! I would not know her or be known by her.
However, we treat conversations with God exactly in the same manner. Prayer with God should be dynamic communion!
That may sound impossible. How can one pray all day? Don’t fall into legalism or Pharisee-ism, though.
Prayer is not a duty; it is a privilege. It is less like a homework assignment and more like a holiday. Consider inviting the Father into your day. As Diedrich Bonhoeffer says in his classic Life Together, “Give the first and last breath of the day to the Lord.”
Welcome God into your day with your first waking breath, and welcome Him into your rest as you lie down. Start small, and as you get a clear, crisp breath of God’s eternally fresh presence, you will be empowered to welcome God into more areas of your life.
Brother Lawrence said, “The more we know Him, the more we desire to know Him. As love increases with knowledge, the more we know God, the more we will truly love Him. We will learn to love Him equally in times of distress or in times of great joy.”
When we read the Scriptures, we are amazed to find people like Abraham, Moses, and Elijah talking to God. But unfortunately, many of us can dismiss these stories by saying that God used to speak to people this way, but He doesn’t do that anymore.
However, the testimony of Scripture and the church is clear that God continues to talk and speak to His people. Therefore, you can talk to God in the same fashion!
Begin praying for the kind of faith that could believe such dynamic communion is possible. As Dallas Willard says in Hearing God, “Only our communion with God provides the appropriate context for communications between us and him.” Commune and then be expectant to hear.
2) Prayer is like breath.
It is what keeps our spiritual life alive. Inhale the indwelling Spirit; exhale the words you have been empowered with. If we stopped breathing, our bodies would perish; if we stopped praying, our spiritual life would die.
3) Prayer is like a pilgrimage.
One saint who has gone before us said, “Belief by itself is a map of the unvisited land of God’s country; prayer is actually traveling the country.”
Belief in God sets your trajectory. Praying and communing with God sends you on your way. “[T]his is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth.” Knowing God, is the beginning and end of your faith walk. Prayer is the walk itself.
What Does Prayer Actually Do?
We have discussed that the chief end of prayer is about being with God. However, the question many Christians have is, what does prayer do? Why would we even need to pray if God is omniscient and omnipotent? God surely knows what to do way better than we do.
God is all-powerful, and He is all-knowing. But He is also perfectly loving. He is Love. Therefore, above everything else, God desires to invite you into his own Τriune life. It was out of God’s Love that He sent his only Son to die for us. Even though God could run the universe as a disinterested taskmaster, in His wonderful love, God invites his creatures to participate in His will. That is the church's role in unfolding the kingdom of God!
And so God actually hears your prayers and considers them from an eternal perspective. He works your intercessions and prayers into the mysteries of His divine plan! What an honor—to not merely be pitied as someone who needs saving but to be listened to and taken seriously as a trusted and loving friend!
“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you” John 15:7
Like Adam, your prayers can name and create realities (Earley).
Your prayers are to name what is true, good, and beautiful and lift praises to God; your prayers are to name what is unjust, evil, and ugly and lift laments and prayers of intercession for God to make these things right.
Your prayers can create order and life where there is chaos and death (Earley).
As the Benedictine monks say, Ora et Labora—pray and work. Your prayer, when it names realities, flows over into creative action in your life.
As another Christian author said, “Praying for people will bring you to love them. Loving them will lead you to serve them. Serving them will be the open door through which God can move in to save, heal, and make whole.”
[READ MORE: Why Prayer Works]
Why Didn’t God Answer My Prayer?
All of us have experienced the pain of unanswered prayers—desperate prayers for miraculous intervention that never happened. We ask, where was God? We begin to doubt that God will ever answer our prayers.
Why do some prayers get answered? I cannot say definitely. God is God, and I am not.
However, as Dr. Dunnam said, “Everything that happens to us is not God’s will, but there is a will of God in everything that happens.”
I am reminded of C. S. Lewis’ heart-wrenching memoir A Grief Observed. In it, Lewis invites readers into his excruciating pain over the death of his wife, Joy Davidmen. God had seemingly answered Lewis’s prayers and healed her cancer, and then…she was gone.
Lewis was tempted to view God as slamming the door in his face and refusing to give an account for the tragedy.
However, as Job discovered when he asked to speak to God, Lewis discovered that God’s ways are higher than our own—and that His suffering and pain are more significant than ours.
“When I lay these questions before God, I get no answer. But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’ It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head, not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.’”
We may not understand, but we can trust that God works in the tragedy and is with us in our pain. God does not want you to hold your frustration and pain back. He wants to hear your heart. Our Scriptures recount countless prayers of God’s people, fleshing out their pain and frustration over life not going to plan.
The Psalms contain deep heartache, anger, and despair. You may wonder why some of it is in the Bible, but they teach us that we can pray this way. They show us that God wants to hear from us.
“Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines. So the crop of the olive oil fails, and the fields yield no food. So the flock is cut off from the fold. And there is no herd in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will exalt in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord is my strength. He makes my feet like the feet of the deer and makes me tread on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:17-19
The most powerful prayers are dry ones. Whether the dryness is the produce of the land or the dryness of your own heart, God delights when we reach out, even when we feel nothing but desert.
And even in the face of unanswered prayers, we can trust that God’s answers to our prayers are always better than our asking, and God is always more ready to hear than we are to pray.
Sometimes, God delays answering prayers so we can become the kind of people who receive God’s good gifts when they do come.
[READ MORE: Why Doesn’t God Answer My Prayer]
How to Begin Praying
1) Take the time and “set apart” times in your day
The church used to have regular prayer hours throughout the day. Take up that sacred practice again. Find 5 minutes in the morning. Five minutes during your work day. And 5 minutes in the evening. Frame your day in prayer.
2) Turn to Jesus
Jesus gave us a model of prayer, the Lord’s Prayer. So if you’re intimidated by prayer, start there. Take it line-by-line and add personal details.
Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name
You begin in a posture of adoration and gratitude
Your kingdom come, your will be done.
You acknowledge God’s Kingdom is alive and active. How can I better align with His Kingdom?
Your will be done on Earth as it is Heaven,
God, what is your will in my life?
Give us this day our daily bread,
The recognition of our physical, spiritual, and emotional needs.
Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors,
Confess your sins and think of who you need to forgive.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Help me to avoid being led astray.
3) You are more than a mind
Since the Enlightenment, we have been sold the lie that we are primarily thinking things. You are more than a brain on a stick; you are an embodied soul. Extend your prayer life to your body. Consider kneeling prayer. It’s amazing how a wandering mind is centered when you are on your knees. Or take up one of my favorite spiritual practices. Sit up with your hands face down on your knees. List your anxieties, fears, and troubles. And then turn your palms upward to God and invite him into your situation.
4) Short Prayers of Intercession
Prayers are measured by quality, not quantity. The best prayers come from a broken and contrite heart. It was the tax collector who “would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner” that was justified before God. Utter prayers of repentance as you need them. I often ask for what Jesus has that I feel I lack or that I desperately need:
“Lord, your faith”
“Lord, your patience”
“Lord, your mercy”
“Lord, your courage”
“Lord, your forgiveness”…
5) Pray other people’s prayers
There is no plagiarism when it comes to prayer. So often, we do not know what to pray or how to pray. When you cannot find the right words, fall into the words of the saints. This is precisely what Jesus did in his moment of despair, “My God! My God! “Why have you forsaken me?” Start with a book of liturgies, the book of common prayer, or the Psalms.
You have the roadmap already. Today is when you begin the journey!
[READ MORE: Three Keys to a Better Prayer Life]
TL;DR
Prayer is a powerful tool that allows us to commune with God and participate in His divine plan.
It is a relationship-building practice that brings us closer to God and enables us to experience His love and guidance.
Prayer is like a conversation with God, a breath that keeps our spiritual life alive, and a pilgrimage that deepens our faith.
Through prayer, we can name and create realities, bring order to chaos, and express our joys, sorrows, and frustrations to God.
While unanswered prayers can be painful, we can trust that God works in all circumstances and that His answers are always better than our asking.
To begin praying, set aside dedicated times in your day, turn to Jesus as a model, engage your body in prayer, offer short intercessory prayers, and draw from the prayers of saints.
The journey of prayer starts now, and we are all beginners in this lifelong practice.
Related Reading
How to Move Mountains with Prayer by Rev. Paul Lawler
Three Keys to a Better Prayer Life by Rev. Paul Lawler
Why Doesn’t God Answer My Prayer by Rev. Paul Lawler
Why Prayer Works by Bro. Chris Carter
Have You Prayed About It? by Mike Weaver